(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...Poem in Progress… calling all linguists! Let me know what you think so far, and what should happen next?
ANOTHER LIPSTICK CRISIS AVERTED
She sets the snare–
Mascara that makes her lashes
Captured raindrops,
Eyeshadow to conceal the need,
Eyeliner to draw him in.
She blinks as she applies
Volcanic red to her mouth,
The fiery color she knows
Must demand his attention.
She flashes a smile,
Almost brilliant, though she wishes
Her teeth were whiter, straighter.
She stands, checks her hair,
Her clothes, her body,
And she finds herself stunning.
He won’t escape her,
Not this time.
She is a goddess among
Girls in shimmering glitter;
Men are too initmidated
To hurl pick-up lines
That wouldn’t work anyway.
She saunters through the club,
Back straight, chest out, head high.
She is a contemporary epic;
A modern masterpiece.
She is not so virtuous as Penelope,
Nor as memorable as the Mona Lisa,
But she is an earthbound star.
Like plants, they turn to face her radiance.
They hold their breath;
She freezes them where they stand.
Posted in 
Tags: 6 Responses to “Poem in Progress… calling all linguists! Let me know what you think so far, and what should happen next?”
Sounds like an introduction narrative for a theatre play, not much of a poem or rhymes input…
Report this comment
It depends on if you want it to go into first person. You could talk about your personal experiance with her or about someone’s experiance. BTW you’re very talented, it’s a good poem.
Report this comment
I am impressed – I think it ends there doesn’t it or after breath…….lovely choice of words
Report this comment
Like it a lot.I would leave it there, maybe just a couple more lines. I like the ambiguity and too much of a good thing you know and
English degree
Report this comment
It’s not bad. But in a poem like this, I wouldn’t add the word volcanic, the feeling of this poem in progress is that it’s more of a soft, gentle poem, but the word volcanic is really explosive, a bit crude, you know? Also, the line “it wouldn’t work anyway” doesn’t fir in the poem. As for what should you write next. I think it would be good to write what would happen to both the girl and the guy she wants attention from act. Would she stun him or lose him? Will he think she looks good or think that the makeup on her face looks disgusting? It’s up to you. And write a short ending to the whole poem. Good luck!
English degree
Report this comment
Wish I could help, but I don’t understand this form of poem! Maybe you should check a poem website to help you along.
English degree
Report this comment